• Blog

    About losing time, control and parts of yourself

    It’s March, again. March is one of my absolute favorite months, for multiple reasons: spring, aries-season, persian New Year, etc. Almost a year ago March got completely different associations. It was the beginning of a pandemic, as they call it. Starting in China a Virus, Covid-19, spread and the whole world started to panic. In Europe, Italy was one of the first countries to take action. Whole cities where shut-down, borders were closed. Soon after many countries followed that example, including Austria. On March 16th 2020 the first lockdown began. Honestly, the first lockdown for me was glorious. I could decompress, take time off and just relax without feeling guilty for not being productive. I lived alone in my apartment, family was miles away and I didn’t see any friends for months. I had time to cook and read and take walks for hours on end. I enjoyed the sunshine and adapted quickly to what I thought would be a very temporary situation. It seemed like the world was on pause and all we had to do was breathe. I still think it was very important for many people to learn to slow down and be by themselves without all the outside noise.
    Then summer came. I finished the yoga classes that were supposed to be done by Easter and went on summer break – as I usually do. In fall my courses started again and there came lockdown number two. Sometime before Christmas stores opened up and then had to close again, welcome to the third round of “please hold the line”. It’s March again now and my classes which were meant to be done way before the New Year are still  outstanding. It feels like the world is on pause, but time doesn’t just stand still – no matter how many lockdowns.

    So now here we are, waiting week after week, dangling between press conferences, while they tell us what we can and cannot do. Right now everything is predefined for us: Where we can go and under which circumstances, if we can work and how, who we can see and when, what we can say and why. It feels like I don’t have control, but am controlled.

    What am I? I mean, that’s a very grand question, but broken down I am a lot of things. First and foremost, I am a free spirit. Did I ever explain why I am self-employed and run my own business? It’s because I’m very independent and don’t like it when other people tell me what to do. That goes for my professional and personal life. I live in my own apartment, because I like to do things my way. Hell, I even converted a van so I can go places without having to worry about check-in and check-out times. I like to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Sadly, at the moment it feels like I’m re-living the same day over and over and over again. You know those movies where they are stuck in a loop? That’s the feeling.

    I long to switch it up. I want to travel and meet new people. See familiar faces and new places. I crave to properly teach yoga. Feel people’s energy, not through a screen or under a mask, but just what we are: people and energy. I want to get into my car and feel free, not restricted. I want to be myself in the ways that I know how and have the opportunity to explore all the parts that are also meant to be me.

    The million dollar question remains: Will we ever go back to normal? Experiences influence people and this situation for sure was/is an experience.
    After an intense time like that, is there even such a thing as “going back”? Can we just act like nothing ever happened and be who we were a year ago? Or maybe – just maybe – is it time to create a new “normal”? This could be the time for new beginnings.
    I know it’s hard to realize and even harder to accept that some things are just out of our control and won’t ever be the way they were before, but this could be our silver lining. The chance to choose a completely different path and give this challenging time a positive outcome.

    Frankly, I have no clue what my path will look like, but I’m eager to find out.

    Ps.: Of course I know, I am very privileged. I can’t imagine what it must have and still be like with small children in a tiny apartment somewhere in a city. Or as an elderly person, scared and alone in a retirement home. I am lucky enough to have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a social support system and nature right in front of my door. It is a blessing to even think about personal development and fulfilment.


  • Blog

    Keep your cool

    There is this great new Alicia Keys song „Gramercy Park”, that I’ve been listening to on repeat. The chorus goes like this:

    “Cause I’ve been trying to be everything I think you want me to be
    I’ve been doing all the things that I think you wanna see
    I’ve been trying to fulfill you with your every need
    Now you’re falling for a person that’s not even me”

    This hit home.
    You know when you meet a person and think everything about them is just so “cool”? You automatically start trying to figure out how you could manage to be just like that. How you adapt your style of clothing and your hobbies, the things you share and places you go. It starts off as genuinely thinking that you’re just discovering something new, but soon enough you go from “oh that’s so cool” to “I have to be this cool”. It becomes the only right way of being, because everything else all of a sudden is not good enough. You, the you you thought you were before meeting this super cool and awesome person, becomes not good enough. Then here we are, changing and switching, denying and reinventing every little detail about ourselves to fit into the “cool-box”.
    Well, this doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships. This can happen with that new great job, a work setting, or the super awesome group of friends. It can be the TV-series you saw last week, you know, the really inspiring one. How about the new city you moved to, where everyone and everything seems so effortless? Right, all these outside circumstances can make us feel Gramercy Park-like.
    Try and stop for a moment. What is it that you enjoy? Without anyone else, imagine a world where whatever you choose to be, you’d be the coolest person around – what would you choose? What would you wear? What hobbies would you have? What would you eat? Where would you go? What would be your passion? What would be you?
    Now guess what, this imaginary world isn’t all that imaginary. To be honest, it’s this very world, right here,  just with a little more distractions. We can choose our own “cool” every day. So, make it count. But make it count just for you.

    xx Pari

  • Uncategorized

    Why I don’t settle


    to sit or come to rest in a comfortable position.

    Imagine this: You’re living on a solid 60%. Nothing too crazy, but above average. You’re doing okay. Life is OK.
    Then somehow something happens and you make it to 80%. Like wow – those are 20 full percent more than what you were used to. You can feel this improvement in all different aspects. There are people that will never even make it to eighty percent. This is pretty great. That’s comfortable. Really comfortable.
    So now you’ve reached 80 out of 100 percent. Is that enough? Are you making yourself feel at home because that’s way more than you’ve ever known before or are you a little curious? Those last 20 percent, the jump from 60 to 80 changes so much, what could the next 10 do? What would 90% feel like? Or even 100? By leaving the 80, you could fall back down to 60 again, but you could also make a higher number.
    What kind of person are you? Playing it safe, “resting in a comfortable position” or daring to dream big?

    I never settle. Ever. Not in my job, not in relationships, not with friends, not in fighting for what’s right – not in life.
    I don’t settle because I couldn’t bear to knowingly live a life that would have had so much more potential. I couldn’t stand to think I was too “comfortable” to even try. There is a difference between settling and being fulfilled.
    There is a difference between striving for more and not getting enough. I am always grateful for what I have. I never take anything for granted, but if I see the opportunity to grow, I would be damned not to try.
    Those last 20 percent are where the magic happens. Where the breathtaking, earthshaking, mind-blowing experiences lay. That’s were life becomes mesmerizing. The thing is, most people will never get there. They are too afraid to lose everything they have, that they can’t even see all there is to gain.
    Ultimately, life isn’t about comfort. Life is about creating the best version of yours you could possibly imagine.

    Why would there be 100%, if we were meant to stick with 80?
    Don’t ever settle. Don’t ever get too comfortable.

  • Blog

    Wtf – Network Marketing?!




    For everyone who doesn’t know, what network marketing is, I’ll explain it real quick.
    There are two different approaches, you can choose one or both. Firstly, you can buy products for the wholesale price and then sell them for their retail price. The price difference here is usually something between 10 and 40%. Secondly, you can build a team and profit from other people’s sales as well. Going further, you can also make a percentage off of other people’s teams, if you brought those people into the business. It’s basically as simple as that, while details may vary between companies.

    I was hesitant about addressing this topic, as I know many people have a very strong opinion about it – and so do I. But let me start at the beginning.
    I like to call myself a “network-baby”. Ever since I can remember, my mom has been working with some sort of multi level marketing (MLM) company. I know how it works. I know people who were super successful with that. People who are living their dream. Families who could better the ways of the day-to-day life. All that is great. The thing is, I also know the flipside of it. How the practices of some companies – or rather “leaders” of those companies – consume some people’s minds completely. How it seems like nothing else is important besides this business and how money becomes the one and only reason of purpose. How humans will only want to interact with other humans involved in those companies. I’ve seen people buy shit they don’t need, just to reach a certain sales volume. I’ve seen people win and I’ve seen them lose. I know the ups and the downs.
    I’ve decided to judge this whole business model a long time ago and demonize everything and anyone involved in one. I mean – we all know someone who posts pictures of expensive cars and inspirational quotes on facebook, thinking that will get them to actually be able to afford this stranger’s hot ride, right? Such behavior gives me shivers.

    Fast forward to now.
    Life is super funny most of the time and as it does what it does, I happen to fall in love with the product of a company that’s based on a MLM system. My first thought: „You gotta be kidding me. No way!“ It took me a lot of reflecting and debating and inward-looking, but I’ve come to realize, my problem was never the “what”, it was the “how”.
    I’m annoyed at the fact, that I’ve had seven (7!) people, from the a well-known network marketing company, reach out to me on social media since I’ve publicly posted about being a yoga teacher. They were trying to lure me into buying and selling their stuff, which I wasn’t interested in, because I simply don’t need those products. Now look, if you’re one of those people, no offense, but I don’t even know either of you personally and just because I love yoga, doesn’t equal me loving your product/business. I get that you wanna reach out to like-minded individuals and spread the word, but randomly approaching strangers doesn’t to the job. The big issue I have with that is people don’t tend to promote an awesome product. It’s not about loving to help other people. It’s about the money you can make with it. Again, don’t get me wrong. Money is great. I love money. Everyone loves money. And everyone should love money. Money is the perfect tool to support yourself with anything materialistic. Just simply not at any cost. I don’t love money when it’s the main focus in one’s life. No positive values come out in money-driven people. Greed, hoarding, envy, fear. Money can and does bring out all these qualities in people. This is the part I absolutely reject about so many working in network.

    As I mentioned, I found these products that almost feel like magic to me and then decided to work with a multi level marketing based company. I do so, because I 100% support these products, I believe in them and want to pass that knowledge and tool on. Plus, I can even earn some lovely money with it. Just like I teach yoga, not focused on becoming a rich bitch, but because I love doing it and it lights up my heart, seeing how much I can help people with it.
    I promote those things and myself because I believe in what I do. Not to fill my bank account.

    Sending an abundance of colorful paper and face-printed coins your way,
    do something useful with your means today,

  • Blog

    Life without a dog



    I feel like now is the right time to write this, because I’m sitting in my apartment all alone. Nobody else, no Roya, just me.
    As I got up this morning and went to the bathroom, I held the bedroom door open just a little longer than I needed to, because usually the babygirl is right behind me. I tried not to use up any space on the carpet in front of the toilet because that’s usually where she lays down while I do my business. I thought about all the things I could manage to do fast, before I had to go for a walk with her. I got changed and didn’t put my fuzzy socks on the floor, because she would eat them up in seconds. I slowly moved the chair from underneath the kitchen table, in order not to scare miss anxious with the noise. I did all that without her even being here. It became a habit. A part of me, for her.
    Roya stayed at my mom and grandma’s house last night, because we were out late and I’m about to go there again right now. Sometimes I think it would be soooo nice not having to go out into the freezing cold middle European November air first thing in the morning. Or it would be soooo nice not having to plan my day according to a dog’s eating schedule. But, bullshit. I’ve had Roya for exactly a year now and it feels like she’s been with be all along. It sounds so dramatic, but it’s like a part of me is running around on four paws. Now listen, Roya isn’t the easiest dog and having a dog in the first place isn’t easy. She’s stubborn and scared, ballsy and quiet. Sometimes she reminds me of myself. The first couple of months, I questioned what the fuck I had gotten myself into. Committed to taking care of another being for maybe 15 years?! Holy shit, I thought I had made a mistake. Then came the move and I knew I would have to walk her at least twice a day, because we wouldn’t have a garden anymore and what if she barked every time somebody made a noise in the building? She stopped eating properly, right as we tried to settle in and that’s when I got a little desperate.
    It all took a great turn. I found a new dog trainer and fixed the eating problem. I fell in love with walking her (in fact, I enjoy the walks more than she does). She only barks, when someone enters the apartment, trying to defend her territory, which I secretly love. Like, ya girl, make some noise, take up your space, show them who’s the boss – but that might be the feminist in me. She stays home alone if she has to without any problems. I can do my whole morning routine, before taking her out, because she’s so patient. The whole move was kind of rough on me and I don’t know if I could have done it without her.
    People keep telling me how awesome it is, that I rescued a dog, when really, she was the one that saved me. She got me out of the house, when I didn’t feel like going anywhere. She was the reason I had countless great conversations with other dog owners. She gets my mind off stupid things, and grounds me back into the routine I have with her. She loves me, even when I don’t like myself.
    So, life without a dog? Unimaginable. I honestly don’t know if I would still be sane if it wasn’t for Roya. She is my everything and more. Truly an angle sent from heaven.

    Puppy love forever,
    Pari and Roya

    Ps.: Don’t get a dog, if you’re not okay with pee on the carpet, hair everywhere or paws in your face while you sleep.

  • Blog

    Morgen hab ich frei.

    Ein Satz der auf den ersten Blick vollkommen normal klingt. Menschen die arbeiten, haben auch mal frei. Ist einfach so. In der Norm.
    Mal angenommen man geht nicht in die Arbeit, kommt nicht nach Hause und Berufliches bleibt nicht beruflich, während Privates nicht privat bleibt. Mal angenommen diese Grenzen verschwimmen, man ist nie wirklich in der Arbeit, aber auch nie wirklich zu Hause. Mal angenommen jede Minute mehr Arbeit bedeutet auch mehr Verdienst. Mal angenommen es ist nie ein Ende in Sicht. Mal angenommen man arbeitet ausschließlich in die eigene Tasche, nicht in die anderer. Mal angenommen frei haben bedeutet auch kein Geld haben. Mal angenommen wir sind angekommen: Willkommen im Selbstständigen-Leben.

    Vor ein paar Tagen hab ich mir gedacht „Und morgen hab ich frei“. Bei dem Gedanken ist mir klar geworden, dass ich mir eigentlich seit Beginn meiner Selbstständigkeit Anfang des Jahres nie wirklich einen Tag freigenommen habe. Und mit frei meine ich nicht „nicht in der Arbeit“ zu sein, denn das gibt es nicht, wenn man viel von zu Hause aus arbeitet. Man ist immer irgendwie am Arbeiten, irgendwie aber auch im Pyjama und oups das Mittagessen verbrennt, während man mit einem Kunden telefoniert. Alle Grenzen verschwimmen, vor allem in der heutigen Zeit, wo die Handynummer für die Familie die gleiche ist, wie die für Geschäftspartner, der Social Media Kanal zu beruflichen Zwecken genutzt wird, man sich aber auch privat für das interessiert, was andere posten und der Mail-Account sowohl die Sendebestätigung von Amazon, als auch die Anmeldung zu einem der eigenen Yogakurse beinhaltet. Alles ist eins und irgendwie trotzdem absolut verschieden.
    Es ist für mich nicht ungewohnt, ich bin unter einem Haufen Selbstständiger groß geworden, dennoch war ich fast schockiert, wie normal es für mich ist, immer mit einem Fuß in der Arbeit zu stehen, immer im Hinterkopf das Business zu haben. Egal ob es ein Sonntag, Feiertag, der eigene Geburtstag oder man krank ist. Selbstständig ist man immer, Orts-, Zeit-, Verfassungs-unabhängig. Und das ist selbstverständlich, weil selbstständig.

    Das „rebellische Ich“ hat sich dann natürlich sofort vorgenommen einige Tage sein Handy und den Computer wegzulegen, keine Yogasequenzen zu schreiben und überhaupt von dem Ganzen nichts wissen zu wollen. Mentale Gesundheit ist wichtig, ich will kein Burn-Out bekommen und oh-mein-Gott bitte nie so werden wie die Leute in meinem Umfeld, denen ich mein Leben lang vorgeworfen habe, keine Zeit für Privates zu haben.
    Und dann.. Hoppla. Ich mach das doch gern. Also, nicht alles und auch nicht immer, aber ich will mir doch Abfolgen von Posen ausdenken, die sich in meinem Körper gut anfühlen und diese weitergeben. Ich will doch den Menschen antworten, die mit mir zusammenarbeiten und ich will doch Aspekte meines Lebens teilen, um andere zu inspirieren.
    Shit, und jetzt? Ich darf mich doch nicht überarbeiten, will aber auch nicht damit aufhören. Wieso gibt es eigentlich diese strikten Grenzen zwischen Arbeit und Privatleben? Und wer hat überhaupt gesagt, dass Arbeit immer einen negativen Beigeschmack haben muss? Was soll das denn bedeuten „überarbeiten“? Man kann sich ja auch nicht „überspaßen“. Warum kann Arbeit denn keinen Spaß machen? Außerdem: Warum um Himmels Willen, muss man genau 40 Stunden in der Woche arbeiten? Wieso muss das von 9 bis 5 sein und warum wird man belächelt, wenn man keinen gesellschaftlich höchst angesehenen Job ausübt? Wer hat sich die Definition der „Vollzeitbeschäftigung“ ausgedacht und woran wird das festgemacht? Dem Verdienst? Der Arbeitszeit? Beides ist nämlich vollkommen unabhängig von einander. Es gibt genug Menschen die nur 10 Stunden in der Woche arbeiten und mehr verdienen, als andere, die 50-Stunden-Wochen durchziehen. Welcher der beiden Aspekte zählt mehr und warum spielt Freunde darin keine Rolle?

    Wie wäre es damit: Jeder macht es wie er will. Das Leben kennt keine Regeln, die haben wir uns selbst erschaffen, wahrscheinlich auch noch ganz unbewusst. Ich bin mein eigener Boss, beruflich wie privat, worüber ich unglaublich glücklich bin. Ich arbeite wann ich will, so viel ich will und wo ich will. Mit wem ich will, wieso ich will und was ich will. Jetzt zum Beispiel ist es 1:13 in der Nacht von Samstag auf Sonntag. Ich sitze am Balkon, tatsächlich im Pyjama, bereits mit geputzten Zähnen und bereit schlafen zu gehen, aber plötzlich war ich kreativ genug, meine Gedanken in Worte zu fassen.
    Na und? Morgen hab ich frei. So wie jeden anderen Tag auch. Frei, meine eigenen Entscheidungen zu treffen. Frei, mein Leben zu leben.

    Hast du frei?

  • Blog


    Letzte Woche habe ich euch davon erzählt, dass ich meine Bachelorarbeit geschrieben habe und wie es mir davor/dabei ergangen ist. Beim Fertigstellen habe ich mit dem Gedanken gespielt, eine Danksagung mit in meine Arbeit einzubauen, mich aber dann dagegen entschieden, da ich nicht gefunden habe, dass die Art von Danke-sagen, die ich gerne machen würde, so gut in den wissenschaftlichen Schreibstil passt. Deshalb habe ich mir gedacht, wenn nicht am Blog veröffentlichen, wo dann? Überhaupt habe ich überlegt, daraus eine ganze Reihe an Danksagungen zu machen. An alles und jeden. Ich finde es gehört sowieso viel öfter einmal „Danke“ gesagt.
    Hier die Danksagung, die in meine Bachelorarbeit hineingehört hätte.
    „Zuerst mal Danke an meine Eltern, wenn ihr euch damals nicht so liebgehabt hättet, dann wäre dieser ganze Spaß hier sowieso hinfällig. Danke an alle Lehrer, die ich in meiner schulischen Laufbahn genießen durfte, an die die ich mochte und nicht mochte, an die von denen ich viel und die, von denen ich wenig gelernt habe. Vor allem aber an die, die ich am wenigsten mochte, aber von denen ich am meisten gelernt habe. Danke an das Timing, dass dazu geführt hat, dass ich den Sommer vor meinem Studienbeginn in Amerika war und deshalb Kommunikationswissenschaft und nicht Psychologie studiert habe. An dieser Stelle auch Danke an meine Familie, dafür, dass ich immer frei entscheiden konnte, was ich machen möchte. Danke an meine Ungeduld, die mich Dinge entweder ganz oder gar nicht und entweder sofort oder nie erledigen lässt, durch sie habe eine sehr effiziente Lernstrategie entwickelt. Danke an die Phase, in der ich mich und die Welt gar nicht gemocht habe und durch die ich die ersten zwei Semester meines Studiums extrem schnell und ohne viel nach links oder rechts schauen durchgezogen habe. Auch bei der netten Idee der Gruppenarbeiten muss ich mich bedanken, durch die ich gelernt habe, dass man Dinge am besten selbst erledigt. Danke an die Professoren, die wissen, dass der Unialltag und das wissenschaftliche Forschen nur ein ganz klitzekleiner, manchmal gar nicht so wichtiger Teil des Lebens sind. Danke an meinen Computer, der unzählige, hin und wieder nicht sehr sanfte, Tastenschläge mitgemacht hat und wahrscheinlich eine Geschichte über fettige Haaren in messy buns und bröselige Chips-Finger erzählen könnte. Danke an die Menschen in meinem Leben, denen ein akademischer Grad äußerst wichtig ist und denen, die finden es sei nicht notwendig – die Mischung machts, das habe ich durch euch gelernt. Ganz besonders bedanken muss ich mich bei meinem Gehirn, auf das ich mich jeden Tag aufs Neue verlassen kann, was wirklich nicht selbstverständlich ist (besonders wenn man bedenkt, wie viele Leute ihres so ganz und gar nicht benutzen). Nun aber in all seriousness: Danke an das Universum, auch wenn ich noch absolut keine Ahnung habe, was ich mit diesem Bachelortitel jetzt anfangen soll, es wird sich zeigen. Danke.“

    Wem hast du heute schon Danke gesagt?
    Schnell, geh und tu’s!

  • Blog

    Bachelorarbeit 0 – Pari 1

    Also ich muss schon sagen, manchmal macht man es sich selbst schwerer als es sein muss. Seit eineinhalb Monaten setze ich mich schon unter enormen Druck, diese Abschlussarbeit meines Studiums fertig zu bekommen. Mein Anspruch war nicht einmal der, etwas besonders Tolles zu schreiben, nein. Alles was ich wollte, war fertig zu werden. Diesen riesigen Punkt von meiner To Do Liste abzuhaken. Es ist auch nicht so, als wäre das das erste Mal, dass ich wissenschaftlich Schreiben musste, oder dass ich mir besonders schwer dabei tue, Texte zu verfassen. Ich meine, ich habe einen Blog, Schreiben sollte da schon zu den Dingen zählen, die man gerne tut. Ich denke meine größte Herausforderung war das „müssen“. Ich musste mich an einen bestimmten Schreibstil halten, durfte nur bestimmte Quellen verwenden, hatte ein Abgabedatum und jemand anderes wird entscheiden, ob das, was ich verfasst habe als gut oder schlecht befunden wird. Alles Aspekte, die für eine Anti-Autoritätsliebenden Menschen wie mich nicht ganz easy sind.
    Seitdem mein Thema festgestanden ist und ich jederzeit mit der Recherche und dem Schreiben beginnen konnte, war ich unter Druck. Egal was ich getan habe, in meinem Kopf war diese extrem anstrengende Stimme, die mich immer wieder daran erinnert hat, was ich eigentlich gerade tun sollte. Ich konnte nichts genießen, es hat sich so angefühlt, als wäre mein Kopf ständig voll, selbst wenn ich mir bewusst Zeit freigeschaufelt habe. Immer und immer wieder habe ich mich gefragt, wann ich jemals mit dieser Arbeit fertig werden soll. Woher ich die Zeit nehmen soll und überhaupt wie ich das eigentlich machen soll. Ich habe mir gedacht: „Hätte ich nur eine Woche, in der ich mich in Ruhe hinsetzen kann um das abzuschließen“. Immer wieder ist mir dieser Gedanke durch den Kopf gekreist, bis mir dann vor zirka zwei Wochen die glorreiche Idee gekommen ist, mir diese Woche einfach zu nehmen. Kennt ihr das, wenn man den Wald vor lauter Bäumen nicht mehr sieht? Genau so habe ich mich gefühlt. Als hätte ich ein Stück Abstand genommen und plötzlich alles klarer gesehen. Alle Termine, Yogakurse und soziale Interaktionen sind abgesagt worden und ich habe jedem gesagt, dass ich mich für sieben Tage einsperren werde und mich erst melde, sobald ich fertig bin. Mein Zimmer wird nur verlassen, wenn ich am Verhungern bin oder dringend aufs stille Örtchen muss. Ein Plan war geschmiedet.
    Letzte Woche habe ich die ganze Vorarbeit von Transkriptionen der Interviews, über ausführliche Recherche, bis hin zur Literaturbeschaffung gemacht, sodass ich wirklich „nur noch“ schreiben musste. Da das Wochenende früher zu Ende war als geplant, habe ich bereits am Sonntagnachmittag meine Mission begonnen und war hochmotiviert dieses Kapitel abzuschließen – im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes. Drei Tage später, am Mittwochnachmittag, habe ich dann das letzte Wort meiner Bachelorarbeit geschrieben. Crazy. Sobald ich damit angefangen hatte, verging alles wie im Flug. Ich war im absoluten Schreib-flow und konnte gar nicht glauben, wie schnell die Zeichenanzahl nach oben gerattert ist. Es ist so schnell gegangen, dass ich die Arbeit sogar am ersten Abgabetermin einreichen werde – say what?!
    Durch das ewige vor mir herschieben und Gedanken machen und Stress aufbauen, ist der Berg dieser Arbeit so groß geworden, dass ich überhaupt nicht mehr gewusst habe, wie ich ihn erklimmen soll. Und das alles nur wegen diesem kleinen Wörtchen „muss“.
    Eines meiner Lieblingszitate ist folgendes von Julia Engelmann:

    „Lass uns Dinge tun, weil wir können und nicht müssen!“

    Ganz im Sinne dessen, bin ich nun sogar am Überlegen, das Masterstudium auch noch dranzuhängen. Einfach weil ich kann. Am Ende des Tages haben wir immer die Wahl. Nicht nur die Wahl, wie wir mit den Dingen umgehen, sondern auch die Wahl der Dinge selbst. Wir selbst entscheiden, was wir „müssen“, weil wir können.
    Macht mit euch selbst ein kleines Experiment: Tauscht in jedem Satz, den ihr sprecht oder denkt das Wort „muss“ mit „kann“ aus und schaut einfach mal was passiert.

    Heute können wir müssen.

  • Blog


    This morning I was on my way to a business yoga class and while I was in a good mood, my thoughts were still going a thousand miles per hour. I thought about my sequence for the class, what I was gonna wear tonight, all the thing I had to do before I could start the weekend and just life in general (as you do, while driving a car). Then I drove onto the highway and had one of those reality-check-moments. I immediately took out my phone and started to record this voice note for myself:

    “I love not having my shit together. I right now saw this girl driving in her mini cooper on the highway and both of her windows are rolled down, her hair is in a very messy bun and it’s curled and like, everywhere. She wears these huge sunglasses, no makeup, you can see some of her blemishes and the redness of her skin. Like, nothing about this moment seems perfect and then the radio is really loud and she’s singing and laughing and she’s kinda like dancing in her driver’s seat. It made me think that she seems like she doesn’t have her shit together at all and it got me thinking how I got rid of all my expectations and my perfectionism and everything and now I’m in this phase where everything seems to not go as planned and everything seems to be so much and I have so much, like so much to do, I don’t even know where to begin, but then.. I see this girl and she’s living her life. And she’s like, she made me smile. Right now. I’m smiling like, from one cheek to the other. This moment of watching her gave me life. I remember what I want and what I wanna feel and how I wanna live my life. I don’t want to have my shit together. I don’t want a perfect life. I want a real life. And I want a fun life. And something that I’m proud of and something that’s mine. Like, the crazy, messy, imperfect Pari. Not the polished, makeup, perfect clothes, everything in order kind of Pari. I wanna be me. I wanna be the raw me. And I like not having my shit together. I feel so free right now, realizing how much I like not having my shit together. God, I love life. I never wanna lose this feeling alive. You feel most alive when not everything goes to plan and not everything is perfect and I’m just so glad that I saw this girl, in her mini cooper, windows rolled down, messy bun, huge sunglasses, no makeup, I’m so glad I saw her. And for a split second she looked over and I smiled and she kinda smiled and it’s like… This is such a great moment. I love it. I’m so glad, I’m so grateful for this moment, that I got to watch this girl have fun and remind me to just have fun. God, life is about having fun, not making everything perfect. Not getting everything right. Life is about having fun. Enjoying the ride. My reminder of the day is: Be imperfect. Don’t have your shit together. Roll your windows down. Throw your hair in a messy bun. Put on huge sunglasses and sing. Shout from the top of your lungs, to your favorite song, while driving somewhere.”

    What a beautiful impact such a small moment can have.
    Fuck perfection.

  • Blog


    This shit just cannot be forced. You cannot just light a candle and wait for magic to happen.
    Great start to a blogpost Pari, let’s try again.

    I just finished writing another post and after being done with it, I felt so happy. It turned out good, I’m proud of myself for finding the right words for what I want to say. I also felt relieved and that got me thinking – Why is it, that I stress out about writing the blogposts? I enjoy doing it so much, but I also put the pressure on myself to publish an amazing, ground-breaking post every single week. This is especially hard for me during busy weeks.
    Leading back to where I started from: Creativity can’t be forced. Every person that’s creatively active will be able to relate to this. You can’t just sit down at 7am, think real hard and boom – the words flow out of your mind, the song writes itself or the painting is done before you know it. As cool as that sounds. It just doesn’t work like that.
    Creativity needs freedom. Mostly freedom of the mind. If you keep thinking about all the things you have to get done and all the places you have to be at, you won’t be able to hear those quiet, whispering noises, telling you the secrets of your own thoughts. You won’t be able to sense the slow winds, as they pass through the grass and almost sound like the laughter of a butterfly. If everything gets too loud, we’re not able to hear. We’re missing out on the most beautiful, fragile, precious things. Most and for all, our creativity. She needs a loving space. She needs our full attentions, without any pressure. Creativity is not easy, though it comes with ease.
    What a beautiful mirror for life in general. Everything has it’s time. Things happen as they should. There is a perfect moment for everything, but not every moment is perfect for anything.

    Listen to what timing has to tell you.
    Hear the butterflies laugh.